Celebrity stink. 

Father Christmas, in his wisdom, decided to give my daughter perfume for Christmas. A celebrity endorsed pot of stink. Needless to say, she absolutely loves it and sprays it on with wild abandon. Now we can all enjoy living in Barbara Cartland’s liquorice bonbon boudoir. 

Someone find me an emergency wet Labrador and a bag of ferrets! 


One day…

One day I’ll awake and have a great shock

As I jump up from bed at the sight of my clock 

It’ll be morning, not night & to my delight 

We’ll all have slept right through till it’s light!

No 1am worrying or 2am twitching 

..then at 3am..’was that a thumping down in the kitchen??’

…no more nodding off (after being awake since 2)

To hear a 5 am shout…’I need a poo!’

One day we’ll all sleep right the way through 

All rested, contented and feeling renewed 

But it’ll be Monday I’m certain to bet 

And the whole family will have overslept 

We’ll burn the breakfast and miss the bus 

Be late for school and cause a fuss!

…but for now there’s coffee to give me some zing

I can day dream Santa will bring me some gin! 

Or failing that chocolate or maybe some treat

Like a lovely, delightful full nights sleep! 

Keep calm and put the kettle on…

160 mile round trip today to get the news that we knew was coming. There isn’t much more the medics can do for the kids feet. They have what look like pensioners feet: Covered in bunions, freezing cold and contorted from malformed bones. They work, the feet, they actually do what they are supposed to do but they are a bit ‘bargain basement’, you know…a bit rubbish with no longevity but nothing else is available (like shopping for munichies in some soulless grocery leviathan at 3am when you’re drunk), crap but you need them.

Shortly we’ll be moving to a bungalow and the tortured Hell that is a staircase shall be no more!  So it’s not all bad, lovely new home on the horizon (subject to contract!!), Yuletide festivities looming and tonight we have pudding! Now, I just have to make it to Christmas Day without throwing a brick at the John Lewis orgasmic consumerist pornography advert…then all will be well!

Tis the season…

….when a bunch of over paid show offs try and sell us exorbitantly priced stink water in fancy bottles because apparently everybody in the world has forgotten about soap …. Falalalala..lala..lala

Halloween is barely cold in its elaborately decorated ‘Day of the dead’ coffin before BOOM! The consummerist orgasmic explosion that is Christmas bursts into our consciousness like a vulgar, over familiar glitter Labrador. You love it dearly but wish it would wait until you’re ready for it.

Why does it start so early? Relentless advertising: Perfume, chocolate, alcohol, food, trinkets, electronics, toys, stuff, things, crap, landfill.

I think there’s alot to be said for making presents. Be it homemade jam, a knitted hat or a somewhat peculiar effigy of Shadowfax whittled out of polystyrene. 

It’s the time, thought and injuries incurred during the making that counts.