The worst sort of advertising 

Have you noticed the new trend of advertising? 

It isn’t just THAT fizzy pop merchant.

Banks, multi nationals, supermarkets, they are all seducing us by tugging at our heart strings.

If it isn’t a nauseatingly attractive family having joy spasms over substandard pudding, it’s a black horse galloping majestically through a hospital ward (presumably wearing non slip shoes.)

So basically we’re all supposed to just forget that the Banks screwed people over, ripped them off and ruined their lives? 

Companies and Banks that are little more than thieves, swindlers, fraudsters. Peddlers of obesity and diabetes. Destroyers of the environment and profiteers of suffering……

But Oh! look it’s an advert with glitter, kittens and rainbows….oh well then of course you’re forgiven for being morally bankrupt parasites!

Voyeurism television. 

I’m imagining the pitch now…’this is a real groundbreaking show, picture this…. people watching people watching television’.

‘Gogglebox’. What seems like endless hours of watching strangers, who I have no interest in, comment on television programmes that I never watch.

 Let’s not forget those other televisual gems: ‘a day in a hospital’, ‘exciting car crashes, dead or just badly maimed?’ and of course ‘screaming women in labour’.

Then we have the staged versions such as ‘Creosoted toffs of Chelsea’ and ‘tangoed teens of Tyneside’ etc. (you get the idea!)

The news stands have also drip fed us bullshit for years so now its the norm. ‘womens magazines’ are merely catalogues of sensationalist hate, charging you money so you can read how you could be hotter and thinner and ‘omg look at the state of her!’

What do we gain from all this? There’s no stimulation of imagination or learning, no enhancement of wellbeing. 

Why are we being fed voyeurism television and trash reading?  

We’re consuming junk.

Junk food, drink, television and magazines. 

Junk makes you distracted, vegetative and compliant.
Now who benefits from that?

Perfume and shampoo. Do we need thousands of them?

So you’re in your local Super Market / soulless grocery leviathan…and you need shampoo. Then you are faced with an entire aisle of hair soap. All lined up like enticing plastic soldiers, luring you in with promises that might temporarily ease the deafening lead klaxon of self loathing. Because let’s face it, the media wants you to know you can do better, no matter what hair you have, you need it better! 

 We are humans, we just need to shampoo a small percentage of our body hair. I would have thought dogs would need more variety than us as they’re covered in hair, and what about horses, buffalo, lions?  I’ll wager your average orangutan needs fancier hair soap than you.

Purfumes are another weird one. It’s not Georgian times you know! We have passed to time of having to cover the smell of our rotten teeth and gangrenous gussets. 

Here’s an idea, just have a regular wash with some soap and save yourself a small fortune on perfume. Plus you won’t smell like a prostitute’s armpit in a candy cane factory. 

Tis the season…

….when a bunch of over paid show offs try and sell us exorbitantly priced stink water in fancy bottles because apparently everybody in the world has forgotten about soap …. Falalalala..lala..lala

Halloween is barely cold in its elaborately decorated ‘Day of the dead’ coffin before BOOM! The consummerist orgasmic explosion that is Christmas bursts into our consciousness like a vulgar, over familiar glitter Labrador. You love it dearly but wish it would wait until you’re ready for it.

Why does it start so early? Relentless advertising: Perfume, chocolate, alcohol, food, trinkets, electronics, toys, stuff, things, crap, landfill.

I think there’s alot to be said for making presents. Be it homemade jam, a knitted hat or a somewhat peculiar effigy of Shadowfax whittled out of polystyrene. 

It’s the time, thought and injuries incurred during the making that counts.